2nd Sept 2010
Made another big decision.
More big decisions to be made in the months to come.
A crazy man’s ramblings.
Tags: life
Tags: life
I WANDERED lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed–and gazed–but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
- William Wordsworth
Tags: lonely
“I want a job that makes an impact to other people so that I can leave a legacy behind.”
I raised my eyebrows, this was spoken by a colleague who was known to be somewhat of a slacker. He is brilliant, but is widely regarded as someone who was not very ambitious, and thus only works the bare minimum.
“If I cannot get a job that makes me very rich, at least I want a job that I can create an impact. Like creating a computer application that everyone uses, or create the special effects for a movie like Avatar.” He continued.
I nod my head. I want a job that I am happy doing, and if I am unhappy doing it, I want a job that really pays me well. I had never thought of wanting a job that can create an impact, and leaving a legacy behind.
“Sometimes wanting and reality is very different. How many people can get a job they really want?” I replied. He sighs and nods his head in agreement.
And I sigh too.
Read an article at TechCrunch today, regarding the rise of microblogging and the demise of blogging.
but look at anyone’s Twitter account and it’s the same story – 140 characters simply doesn’t give enough depth or breadth to commit events, memories or feelings to the permanent record.
How true.
Blogging forces me to revisit events, no matter how painful they are, and put them in words, in a logical manner. It helps me to put things into perspective, and also offer an outlet for me to vent. Twitter is more like IRC to me, than blogging.
Of course, I blog much, much less than I twit. Blogging is emotional tiring when the topic is about something close to heart, something painful. It is never easy to revisit painful moments twice, and mostly, I would rather just pretend those incidents never happen. As such, I would prefer not to blog about painful, emotional draining incidents. Also, a one liner sometimes has more impact than a full length blog post.
Thinking aloud, perhaps I should blog less about personal issues, that might increase my blogging frequency. Besides, I can never know who is reading my blog.
I am not asking for too much. I just want to be your friend, be there when you need me, and in the shadows when you do not. Always available to have drinks if you require, to have lunch and dinner with you if you allow me.
Is that too much to ask for?
If it was, why did you not tell me that when I said all these to you? Why do you have to hurt me, again and again? It was really a mixture of anger and hurt, and I know what is left now is hurt. Because I can never be angry with you for long. What is left is pain, a pain so great that I only know of two ways to numb it. One is to intoxicate myself, so I can get some sleep, to have a brief respite from the pain. The other, a more permanent solution, is to just end this miserable life of mine.
I am not asking for good things to happen to me, I just do not want the painful things to happen to me. Because, you know, I have enough of pain to last me for the next ten lives.
Is that really too much to ask for?
People like us will not fall in love easily, because when we do, we literally throw ourselves into the relationship. And because of this, we also get hurt badly. And because we get hurt badly, we tend not to fall in love easily.
I understand how it feels when you said that when the relationship ended, you view the whole world in black and white, that you cannot stop thinking of him, that you cry every second, that you walk like a zombie. How you wanted to end it all just to stop the pain, how you just want to dash across the road because the pain and sadness were just too much to bear.
I understand because, I was once in your shoes.
Tags: love
There is something magical about Notting Hill that makes me watch it every time it is shown on TV.
Perhaps it is the chemistry between the actor and actress, perhaps it is the script, the lines spoken. Perhaps it is a simple love story.
Perhaps in this life of mine where good things rarely happen, deep down I want to believe in that a fairy tale ending like in this movie, will happen to me too.
The more I think about things, the more I see no rhyme or reason in life. no one knows why some things work out and some things don’t. Why some of us are lucky and some of us get…
And the best line from the movie:
I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.
Tags: movie, notting hill
Not trying to sound like I am gloating, but I find it most apt by saying to you, ‘I told you so.’.
Perhaps that is why you did not want to tell me what happened, because I already warned you about this. Do you believe he is really interested in you just because you had ‘good vibes’ with him? He was just making use of you.
Knocking yourself against the wall once is fine, knocking yourself against the wall again and again is just plain stupid. Giving a reason like ‘This is the life I chose.’ does not justify your stupidity.
As a friend, who is in a really unique position, all I can do is be there for you when you need me. But do not expect any sympathy from me, because I had already told you so.
When will you learn?
Tags: J
20th July 2010.
So it is now official then.
Tags: L
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