career

I spent the last week working till 9-10pm at night, often the only one left in the office. There are thousand and one things to do, and sometimes I do not know where to start.

I have to learn things fast, and sometimes on the spot. I have to learn how to calculate the pricing, the necessary paper work for resources request. I have to go through the contents of the contract, other related documents and so forth. Since this is the beginning, I know very well that a lot of people’s eyes are on me, and starting well will give them the confidence that I can cope well, and able to manage all these. As such, I double, triple take on everything I do, to ensure I do not make silly mistakes. Sure, it is a learning process for me, but that does not mean I can make that many mistakes.

At night, it is impossible to sleep well, the physical body is tired, but mentally, my brain has yet to slow down from all the mental activities it had undertaken for the day. This is something I must work on, to be able to relax before I sleep, as I will need to be alert and well rested for the next day. I kept telling myself that I need to stay focus and motivated, as I will need the stamina to last for the whole duration.

I also figured that by blogging about my experiences on this, regardless of good or bad experiences, will keep me motivated and prevent myself from making the same mistakes again.

The pressure is building, and this is only the beginning.

So the second gate is finally opened last Friday.

The feeling was more of a relief than happy. Partly because it took longer than expected, the few months delay were really painful, and partly because I know the actual work starts now. I remember reading somewhere about asking soldiers which part of the war they hated most, and most of them said it is the waiting before the combat starts that they hated.

The tedious and painful learning process starts now. Mistakes will be made along the way, bad decisions will be made, I just hope that I learn something from all this, and the cost that I have to pay for the lessons learn will not be too much to pay for.

So I just need to take in a deep breath, grit my teeth and say, ‘Bring it on!’

The first burning gate was finally opened. It took a lot of effort, and after a few weeks of trying, it was finally opened. He stepped through the first gate, the bluish flame still burning fiercely around the gate and approaches the second gate. The second gate burns with a yellowish flame and he can feel the intense heat radiating from the second gate. He is quite confident though that it will be a matter of days, before the second gate is opened too.

And then he will walk into the realm of oblivion. A realm filled with trecherous traps, mountains with rocks so sharp they can slice through the thickest mithril boots, oceans so wide that it will take the strongest ships manned by a whole army of slaves to row through. A realm filled with hordes of hell fire spouting demons, fire blasting imps, succubus, banshees and other beings that exist only in the worst nightmates. A realm with both intense heat and freezing snow. A realm that few mortals will dare to venture in, let alone survive.

But this is his destiny. It is his destiny to survive in the realm of oblivion, and ensuring the small party that he will be leading survive too. He will have to rely all the armour, weapons, spells and crafts to fend off against whatever the realm of oblivion throws at him. He also have to encourage, motivate and care for the people in his party to ensure that they too will be able to protect themselves.

And hopefully, after surviving in the realm of oblivion for more than two years, he will finally find the legendary epic Elixir of Life. It is rumoured to exist at the other end of the realm, and he hopes that it really do exist, and when he finally finds it, it will be worth it.

But for now, there is the question of opening the second burning gate.

It has begun, well, sort of.

It is pretty close to confirmation. Questions fly to and fro, time spent pouring through every reply, every document sent. Every decision made is with the blessing of the management so there will be no screwups during this critical period.

In the midst of these hectic activities, planning has to be done. Resources have to be allocated, human resource has to be notified to initiate the hiring process. Roles have to be assigned, and approval seek from management. One thousand and more tasks that need to be planned. And this is only the beginning.

Realised that one must wear multiple hats, business, operational, technical, infrastructure, security and so forth. And the most important hat of all, diplomat.

Much things can be accomplished with diplomacy. Knowing how to play the game, what to say at the right time, is half the battle won.

The next two to three years will be a good measurement of the pain threshold. How much abuse, how much pain, how much suffering before the question is asked,

Is it worth it?

I just went through a week that I labelled it as ‘Hell Week’ for me. Last week I was told that I will be the person to be presenting a full day demonstration to the client when I thought I was just going to sit in and listen. And on top of that, it was for a product that I have minimal knowledge of.

The team that was responsible for setting up the demonstration, and to their credit, did one hell of a job. After going through with them on the whole setup in half a day, I could see that they were well prepared, which does not necessary settled the butterflies in my stomach. The next day was a full day dry run in front of my big boss, who was very helpful in giving the team constructive pointers. So one and a half day of preparation. Definitely not going to be sufficient for me.

On the actual day of the demonstration, I woke up feeling nauseous and tired. I had not sleep well for a few nights, and the feeling of wanting to vomit was not helping. I kept telling myself, ‘Don’t choke. Don’t choke.’, but I was still feeling thoroughly sick and really nervous.

Throughout the whole demonstration itself, I was lucky to have the whole team of colleagues and my bosses helping me. It went pretty smoothly. I set down in a daze, let out a huge sigh of relief at the end. I was pretty satisfied with myself, and how the whole session went. The few feedbacks we managed to gather at the end seems to confirm that.

The most important thing for me is that I did not choke.

**choking refers to a decrease in performance due to perceived stress. First came across this term when raiding in World of Warcraft.

Busy.

One word that I use to describe what is happening to me for the past few weeks.

With additional responsibilities thrown onto my shoulders, I find myself working. And working. Days pass by like whirlwind, time does not mean anything to me. I only know the work that needs to be done, and planned. I only know when it is time to wake up, when it is time to eat, when it is time to go home, and when it is time to sleep.

I feel numb.

Perhaps when I start to slow down, I might question myself if this is all worth it. I suspect though, that the only one word answer I will get is, ‘Meaningless’.

In the meantime, I work. I am busy.